Sunday, August 8, 2010
I know I said I've quitted blogging but I can't help but blog today.
This was written on a piece of random paper,dated 7 August.
Writing things down is always once of those things which i do to cope with my feelings.
I don't like to constantly moan,complain.I don't like being this weak and I don't know what's wrong with me.Constantly being unhappy,it's draining me out.I can't even concentrate in class.I keep asking myself why,and i still don't know why.Recording my feelings is like talking to someone,who will listen 24/7.Sometimes,I do get sick of complaining about my life to other people.I keep getting this feeling,like I'm very annoying.But bottling things up,can make me go crazy.I have problems,so do others.People don't really understand me.Perhaps I have never gave other people a chance to.I don't like hearing people ask,''are you okay?'' because I don't get the point of them asking me that.I will always reply,''yeah'' and then i will think inside my head,'' obviously i'm not.''I have always been known to daydream,or '' being blur''.This is just my way of coping,in a sense that blocking out everything will make my unhappiness go away/It was never my intention to be this'' Zhi Ling'' that I am now,I used to be very cheerful and laugh a lot.It was only this year I became like that,all quiet and everything.I hate myself for being so weak,for 8 months,I have been trying to find myself,constantly slipping in and out of depression.You may ask,you're only 14,what's causing you to be this unhappy?Truth is I don't know too,I am not writing this to gain sympathy or anything.I do know that people will get tired of listening,but i think it's me who need to get over certain things myself.I don't want to spend the rest of this year like that.
8 August.
But sometimes I do think I'm a very lucky person.Despite being blur and stupid most of the time,I still have friends.Awesome friends.Even though I detest them at times.I have hands,I have legs,I still have my eyesight.Compared to Nicole Dryburgh,who's deaf and blind yet she never gave up in life,i think I don't have the right to complain.My parents,I do agree they do suck.But my dear dad,he gave me everything that I wanted.He always tries his best to give me the best.Which father,i would ask,would buy his daughter a freaking oven just because she wanted to bake?He gave me pocket money.Although my parents wants me to get good results,they have never forced me to study against my own wishes.Who am I to complain?Fearless,you may ask,why do i like this word so much.It is,i repeat,not because of Taylor Swift.Fearless is a very sensitive word to me.Because I think in whatever you do,being fearless is important.Waking up each day and having the courage to face the rest of the day is fearless.For those who know how much i have been through for the past 8 months,for those who was always there,for those who never gave up on me,thank you and i love you.If you're one whom i complain to a lot,I wanna thank you again and again.Even if you're sick of hearing my thank yous,i still have to thank you.You will have no idea how awesome it is,to have someone there to listen when you're really about to break down.Writing this blog post,i shall promise not to cry easily anymore,not to do any more stupid things which will cause you guys to worry.I will stay strong and I can do it.Me being sick these few days has really taken a huge toll on my mental health as well,so once again for those who cared,ily!
Thank you for reading and I hope you can understand me more by now,why I am so easily upset and stuff.It's not because I want to,its because i am unable to cope.
Random Chatter Of Xenon
10:43 PM
